Inside A Mystery

Borrowing from Winston Churchill's great quote-- self love to me was a riddle, inside a mystery, wrapped in an enigma. Only catching brief glimpses of it when I starved.

Unglued

Into the Woods

The Phantom Menace

Planet Anie: RULE 70--Know My Burn Times

I knew all of my burn times. How long it took to burn off the calories in every food. I paid the price for every bite. To free me from the guilt of eating I had to erase the fact that I ate. Run, walk, jog in place, ride my bike. One fat free slice of cheese was an hour of jogging. A can of pineapple chunks with no syrup was two hours of walking. Anie charged for everything.

Planet Anie: Rule ONE

Control my starving. If I broke and somehow felt the enemy ( lack of control) approaching--I would control my starving. I would starve deeper, longer--no exceptions. This Rule was number one and Rule number one was god.

She Winked

Anie slapped the world for me. Oh, yeah with her other hand she was choking the life out of me. But she made me high with the knowledge that I had incredible self control. She gave me a few moments of a haunted satisfaction.

 While she crucified my physical health she would give me her sly wink that said, "You can stay at 78 pounds and they can't." Oh, Anie. Give me that wink.