Night was about Anie. Even more than day. I exercised endlessly at night, I made calorie lists at night, I had my safe food reward of a 20 calorie popsicle at night. The darkness was kind of like a mother--it held my sadness at bay. All the chaos of pain and self loathing seemed to be stopped at the gate of darkness. Waiting and frothing at the mouth to attack me at daybreak.