Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Approval Pie

I hungered for approval. Physical starving could NEVER grip me as strongly as emotional famine. I longed for a word, a smile, a touch that said,''You're worthy enough to eat, you're deserving to be here.'' So I baked pies and cakes (never tasting a crumb) and took them to the newsroom of the paper I cartooned for. I wanted them to love me. They never said they didn't-they treated me with kindness but that still could not fill the emptiness inside of me. Once in the middle of an intervention-- my editor said that I was , ''The darling of the newsroom.'' But Anie craved such a deeper assurance. She wanted to hear,'' You're the darling of the newsroom ...AND...'' AND  please don't die---AND  no matter what-- I love you---AND  I won't leave.


  1. I read somewhere that anorexics like to cook and bake and make food for others but only for others. When I was deep in my eating disorder I preferred to make delicious meals for my family but I -of course- never tatsed what I had made. I made it for them and they ate it. They had never noticed that I never eat. And perhaps that was the biggest problem.

  2. The food is always for someone else--always.