It's Not About The Cookies, Shithead

On one of my last outside visits ( the longer into Anie--the less social I became)  someone offered me some of her chocolate chip cookies. I told her I didn't want them--but she insisted, ''Now you take a bite--I want to see you take a bite!'' I took a tiny bite knowing that it would demand that I keep a rigorous amped schedule of calorie burning that would go far into the night. ''There! One cookie doesn't hurt, does it?!'' She smiled that smile of the deeply stupid. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE COOKIES, SHITHEAD. Anie is actually not about food at all--other than the fact of not feeling worthy enough to eat. It's about all those times of loss and rejection and not being able to stop or change them or even say, ''wait.'' It's about those deep feelings in that taped envelope inside that nailed shut drawer behind that double-bolted door of your heart.