Yeah, there's the kicker--people would say to me, ''oh, but you need to love yourself!!'' Right.
Talk to my disease--we'll pencil you in between sit-up 909 and 1,011. Maybe then we can begin to even entertain the idea of a self that deserves to be loved. This condition is not for wussies--if you have the Iron will to starve yourself--you must realize that you have a strength and a power to overcome that few ever BEGIN to imagine. This is not about convincing you to get fat --it's about making you aware that you can run the show ( the show being your life) --because this disease will tell you that you cannot. You can go without food for HOW MANY days? You can run HOW MANY miles in subzero weather? This is the force that will save you--and you ARE worth saving and you ARE worth loving. I know, I know--can't someone --besides yourself-- love you? First--you must feel your own power. Anorexia tells you that you have no power over anything but your body -- you can take the power that makes you count how many raisins you eat and make it count how much shit you have overcome. Remember, ''The Force is with You''? You ARE the Force.
An IRON will...you are not kidding!!!! I wasn't 78 pounds but I was damn close and it was very scary. I don't think people realize how invisible, unimportant, and unworthy an anorexic feels. Thank you for expressing that and for your inspirations. Thank you for surviving!
ReplyDeleteThank you for winning the war, sister! All of us in the Anie kinship know the pain.
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